RIP River. RIP everyone else that is dead.
In loving and irreverent memory of River Phoenix and the many others who have passed on before and after him.
Please feel free to comment with your own favorite memories of those departed.
RIP River. RIP everyone else that is dead
Please feel free to comment with your own favorite memories of those departed.
RIP River. RIP everyone else that is dead
Archival RIPs
12/05/2004 - 12/12/200412/12/2004 - 12/19/2004
12/19/2004 - 12/26/2004
12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
01/09/2005 - 01/16/2005
01/16/2005 - 01/23/2005
01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005
02/06/2005 - 02/13/2005
02/13/2005 - 02/20/2005
02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005
02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005
04/03/2005 - 04/10/2005
06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005
08/27/2006 - 09/03/2006
09/03/2006 - 09/10/2006
12/03/2006 - 12/10/2006
12/10/2006 - 12/17/2006
04/08/2007 - 04/15/2007
01/13/2008 - 01/20/2008
02/03/2008 - 02/10/2008
11/23/2008 - 11/30/2008
02/08/2009 - 02/15/2009
04/08/2012 - 04/15/2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
RIP Steve Jobs
I hate the iphone. Glad you're dead so I can finally say that out loud.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
RIP Heath Ledger
You never really interested me, nor did your films.
But now that you are dead, I think you're hot.
But now that you are dead, I think you're hot.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
RIP Deborah Kerr
In my mind it's not the King & I. It's freakin AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER!! Holy romantic!!! Omg you were in a wheelchair and he thought you didn't show up and then he's there at your door because of the painting and he sees it and then ooooommmmgggg!!!!!!!!! *sighs* *cries* *dies* RIP *cries*
RIP Luciano Pavarotti
I loved watching you on PBS with those other 2 dudes. You were my favorite because you chewed gum in between beltings. You were so jolly like an Italian Santa Clause but sexier. RIP Tenor #1. The one whose name everyone remembers.
RIP Edmund Hillary
You climbed a big ol' mountain and got a tent named after you. Well done son. RIP.
RIP Marcel Marceau
Mimes are bitchin. You are the bitchenest mime there ever was. I mean "dude trapped in a box"??? Child's play!!! (not the chuckie sort) I tried to think of a way to make this RIP look like I mimed it. But I'm not that clever with the keyboard stuffs. I'll leave that to Alli. RIP Marcel. Marceau. You have the best name. Wow. Seriously. <3<3<3
RIP Madeleine L'Engle
Aaawwww MAN!! I read "A Wrinkle in Time" like.........34097530495809345 times!!! And then I read the two sequels, and like what was up with the one where Charles Wallace was all those different people? Yeah I had trouble with that one. But then I was like 10 yrs old. Not exactly the peak of my literary understanding. Farandola is one of my favorite words. I always pronounced it like this in my head "Fair-un-doe-lay". I don't know why. Also tesseract!!!! RIP Ms L'Engle. I had trouble pronouncing your last name too btw.
RIP Norman Mailer
I havent read any of your works. But I did see you on Gilmore Girls. If that doesn't make you do the twist six feet under I dont know what will. RIP. k bye.
RIP Evel Knievel
I had an action figure of you when I was like 7. It came with a little motorcycle. One time you made a jump from my bed to my dresser!! it was amazing!!!!!!! in terms of scale, your greatest jump ever!! Anyways you're dead now. I think you should have gone out in flames personally. And what was all that stuff with Kanye West? Anyways, you had a super cool white suit with stars on it. Badass. RIP dude.
Monday, September 04, 2006
RIP Steve Irwin
holy crap, dude. um, you should have known this would happen, you crazy ass. RIP, my old friend.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
RIP POPE
Well, you were pretty cool for a Pope. you did some good stuff. people liked ya. i dunno dude i aint catholic, so um...cheers you miter-wearing polock!! good luck up there in heaven. tell the blessed virgin i said hello.
check it out...pope action figures...keep him alive in your imagination!
check it out...pope action figures...keep him alive in your imagination!
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Sandra Dee
Hot...You were freakin sexy hot. Hot DAMN woman.
RIP Gidget.
*cries*
RIP Gidget.
*cries*
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
RIP Hunter S. Thompson
Hunter S. Thompson, you were one of my idols. It is truly painful to type this RIP because you blew your head off this last weekend with a shotgun and dude, WTF!? I mean, yeah, if you were gonna go out, you'd go out by something as gruesome as that, but fuck! Why? Man, you had some good ass stories. I could read/watch Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas every damn day! I love how you saw two women "fucking a polar bear" just whilst sitting in a casino. I love how you saw bats in the desert between Vegas and Barstow, California because dude...ask any of my friends, I saw them too a few summers ago. I wrecked my truck trying to avoid collision with it. Yeah, man, you lived. YOU LIVED. You inspire me to this day, and your writing fucking changed who I am.
Rest in Fucking Peace, Hunter. You da man, dawg...you da MAN!!!
Rest in Fucking Peace, Hunter. You da man, dawg...you da MAN!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
RIP Jerry Orbach
Screw Law & Order! You were the voice of the candlestick in "Beauty and the Beast"! Lumiere was the best! Always romancing that sexy french feather duster....Although I gotta say....Do you really wanna make out with something that cleans up dirt? I mean...you may as well have made out with the toilet brush. Gross. I also used to wonder how come she never started on fire. Feathers are flammable, you know. I know due to an incident we won't detail involving candles and a down comforter. Um yeah anyways. RIP Jerry. Be our guest!!!...in heaven...
Saturday, February 12, 2005
RIP Laundry pile
you're clean now! and yet you live on....continually regenerating....it's not fair....stupid zombie-laundry-pile...
Monday, February 07, 2005
RIP my wisdom teeth
you were yanked out of my mouth and now all i'm left with are four gaping holes in my mouth.
Friday, February 04, 2005
RIP Sleep
this is 2005. you are out of style. these days it's all about the coffee and the rock and roll energy drinks and the methamphetamine.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
RIP Johnny Carson
Okay see, I'm only 23 years old. I never watched Johnny Carson. Ever. I know nothing about him. Would anyone who actually DID watch Johnny Carson like to contribute to his RIP? Please email me at maplesharkdivine@gmail.com And I will add your comments. Thank you.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
RIP Star Search
They tried to resurrect you last year... It's a shame that nobody likes those Judds...
Arsenio was okay, I guess (although I missed those hoots...and/or Ed McMann).
I think its time we petition for Classic Star Search syndication.
Who's with me?!?!?
Talking 'bout a revolution! ...and a coup d'etat, if neccessary...
Arsenio was okay, I guess (although I missed those hoots...and/or Ed McMann).
I think its time we petition for Classic Star Search syndication.
Who's with me?!?!?
Talking 'bout a revolution! ...and a coup d'etat, if neccessary...
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
RIP Harvey Ball
Ever wonder who invented the yellow smiley face? It was created by Harvey R. Ball, a World War II veteran and graphic artist. Ball gave birth to the smiley face in December of 1963 as a commission for the State Mutual Insurance Company, who wanted to boost company morale. He received $45 for his work of art. Harvey passed away in April of 2001, at the ripe old age of 79, but his smiley face will live on forever. Thanks Harvey....and this ones for you. :)
by Buster Van Awesome
by Buster Van Awesome
RIP Bobby Darin
I know that this one is a little overdue, but since there are few bloggers actively writing who actually remember you when you were cool, I thought I'd pen you a little note.
I remember when I was a kid in New Jersey, my family and I would watch your primetime Bobby Darin Show on TV every week. We loved your show. I can't honestly say that I'd have picked it myself, but the channel button was out-of-bounds for a small boy. There were three shows from my childhood (apart from cartoons) that I still remember clearly, one was the Ed Sullivan Show (the guy spinning plates and the ventriliquist who used his fist as a puppet were my favorites), the other was a Spanish Novella set in the Old West (my grandma's favorite show during the day), and the third was your show. In fact, I can pretty much state without much doubt, that listening to you sing inspired me to love music for the rest of my life. Add to this, the fact that you were married to Sandra Dee, who was the HOTTEST WOMAN ON EARTH, and pretty much typifies (lookwise anyways) the perfect woman to me - and you were a GOD. One day, your show was just gone. I knew that it was Friday night, and when I asked my aunt why we weren't watching the show, she had to explain that you had died, while you were in the hospital for a routine surgery, and that the show wouldn't be back. I was sad for a few moments, and then drowned my sorrows in the Sonny & Cher show, which got me giggling once again. But for those who are now going to watch a part of your life story at the movies, most of them will not appreciate the coolness that was once Bobby Darin. You were much more than "Mack the Knife", and this world is a little less entertaining without you in it.
By Buster Van Buren the Great and fucking sexy
I remember when I was a kid in New Jersey, my family and I would watch your primetime Bobby Darin Show on TV every week. We loved your show. I can't honestly say that I'd have picked it myself, but the channel button was out-of-bounds for a small boy. There were three shows from my childhood (apart from cartoons) that I still remember clearly, one was the Ed Sullivan Show (the guy spinning plates and the ventriliquist who used his fist as a puppet were my favorites), the other was a Spanish Novella set in the Old West (my grandma's favorite show during the day), and the third was your show. In fact, I can pretty much state without much doubt, that listening to you sing inspired me to love music for the rest of my life. Add to this, the fact that you were married to Sandra Dee, who was the HOTTEST WOMAN ON EARTH, and pretty much typifies (lookwise anyways) the perfect woman to me - and you were a GOD. One day, your show was just gone. I knew that it was Friday night, and when I asked my aunt why we weren't watching the show, she had to explain that you had died, while you were in the hospital for a routine surgery, and that the show wouldn't be back. I was sad for a few moments, and then drowned my sorrows in the Sonny & Cher show, which got me giggling once again. But for those who are now going to watch a part of your life story at the movies, most of them will not appreciate the coolness that was once Bobby Darin. You were much more than "Mack the Knife", and this world is a little less entertaining without you in it.
By Buster Van Buren the Great and fucking sexy
Thursday, January 13, 2005
RIP Phil Collins
you were never as great as Peter Gabriel...
.....(but I still love you)..................[and you're not really dead]
.....(but I still love you)..................[and you're not really dead]
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
RIP Ken
Poor Ken, only recently ditched by Barbie for the less affluent but more anatomically correct Blaine, was recently found hanging in Barbie's Dream Closet. Apparently, after being rebuffed by Malibu Stacy and GI Joe, Ken threw himself into an obsessive relationship with the Pink Care Bear. PCB apparently liked being all fluffy, and after Ken insisted that PCB shave her privates to, "look more like Barbie's", PCB took offense and kicked Ken out into the street. To his great dismay, the street - recently retarred, splashed up onto Ken's face. Being made of plastic, the tar stain would not come out - leaving Ken horribly scarred, without his beloved Pink Corvette, and missing the icy coldness of Barbie's stare. He broke into her Dream House, and found the little white wiry twist-tie of an unattended loaf of Wonder Bread and subsequently hung himself. Unfortunately, forgetting that he was an inanimate object and made of plastic, the hanging did absolutely nothing to him. But, the swinging motion attracted a small chihuahua, who made short order of Ken's lower torso - leaving only his badly stained head and part of his neck as a horrible reminder of what a love gone wrong can do to a man...or even a plastic man. We'll miss you Ken, Godspeed and I hope that plastic recycling offers you a second chance as a vibrator or a nice Tupperware bowl.
Thanks to Buster for this guest obituary! He's one of my favorite fellow bloggers and he rocks my world. Everyone go tell him how damn sexy he is.
Thanks to Buster for this guest obituary! He's one of my favorite fellow bloggers and he rocks my world. Everyone go tell him how damn sexy he is.
Monday, January 03, 2005
RIP Marilyn Monroe
I was trying to think of something cool to say about you, but all that was really popping into my head was how all the women who are like unhappy with their weight like to point out that Ms Monroe wore a size 12, and was one of the hugest sex symbols ever. however, they often fail to mention that she also had a ridiculously beautiful face and a huge chest. also she was alive before the South Beach diet and Calista Flockhart and Gwyneth Paltrow. so in conclusion, RIP Marilyn. Your legacy is flashing your underpants and singing Happy Birthday. Which are things most people do at age 4, but somehow you managed to continue it on into adulthood and make it look hott. Cheers!
Saturday, January 01, 2005
RIP 2005
this is the worst year ever!
a day down and already my soul is exhausted.
a day down and already my soul is exhausted.
Friday, December 31, 2004
RIP Isabel "Weezy" Sanford
We'll we're movin on up. (movin on up) To the East Side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky. Is it just me or is that prophetic in a way? If you wanna call the East Side "Heaven" which some people do if you live in NYC. Either way, you were "Weezy" short for "Louise" and you were married to that tyrannical midget George Jefferson, of whom I liken to my STBX (soon to be ex) quite often except my STBX is white. Anyway, I watched that show and loved it for a few reasons. 1) it was on late and that meant I got to stay up late to watch it even when I was like 4 years old 2) there was a black lady married to a white man which to me represented something very significant in my young years. It meant that not only do black men like white women, but that the opposite was sometimes true, and for some reason, that made me sleep better at night. 3) all the hijinks you people got into weekly took my young emotions on a rollercoaster of pleasure and fright that delighted me to no end.
Here's why I was scared of the show:
One time I had a fever and it was really high and I dreamed that George Jefferson was the devil and then I was scared and yelled for my dad and when he came in I said "dad! George Jefferson is the devil!" and he replied "yeah, he's not very nice to Weezy, is he..." and we bonded there and had a moment of enlightenment. So RIP Isabel, you were married to the devil for years and THAT, my dear friend, should earn you a place in heaven next to God Himself.
Here's why I was scared of the show:
One time I had a fever and it was really high and I dreamed that George Jefferson was the devil and then I was scared and yelled for my dad and when he came in I said "dad! George Jefferson is the devil!" and he replied "yeah, he's not very nice to Weezy, is he..." and we bonded there and had a moment of enlightenment. So RIP Isabel, you were married to the devil for years and THAT, my dear friend, should earn you a place in heaven next to God Himself.
RIP 2004
is it 2005 yet?
or do I have to get drunk first in order to start the date changing process?
or do I have to get drunk first in order to start the date changing process?
RIP Kwanzaa
I don't really know how Kwanzaa died or how he/she came to have a holiday named after him/her. Actually I don't even know if there ever was a person named Kwanzaa. But since Christmas is named after Jesus Christ and Hannukah is named after good King Hannuck (i guess he invented the candlestick or something?) then it's a safe bet that there was once a person named Kwanzaa. Perhaps there was once a very tall young man named Kwanzaa who grew up in a small African tribe, and one day Billy Crystal came and offered him millions to play basketball in America, and in return he taught Billy Crystal the meaning of friendship and the importance of following your heart! Now that's worthy of a holiday! RIP Kwanzaa. and Happy Kwanzaa as well!
is this in bad taste? my common sense goes out the window at 2am.
is this in bad taste? my common sense goes out the window at 2am.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
RIP RIP
Hi, its the holidays. I have nothing to say, and apparently Sharkie nor Dr. Ajax do either. I'm sorry. Mourn our creativity...mourn our lack of sense of duty...mourn the family time we're spending with our loved ones. Nobody really died, but it IS Christmas time, and we think about Jesus at Christmas time, and He died, but we don't talk about it in December. Thats for April or March, BUT, He was born, and that alone is reason for celebration and presents and Huge Foam Hulk Hands given as gifts and then reclaimed for punching doors and stuff.
RIP RIP, you will be soon updated.
Forever and Ever,
Amen
RIP RIP, you will be soon updated.
Forever and Ever,
Amen
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
RIP Holiday Spirit
It's only the 22nd and you're already beaten to death. Sucks.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
RIP Brad Nowell
I don't practice Santaria either, but I do worship occasionally at the shrine of Brad Nowell, lead singer of Sublime, dead at age 28 from a heroin overdose. Braaaaaad, doooooooode...drugs = death yo. Your wife just gave birth to your baby, you just were about to make it sooooooooo huge in the music scene. Instead you died leaving your bandmates to create Long Beach Dub Allstars, which is nothing near as good as Sublime. For real, your voice makes my dainties a little wet. You rocked my casbah baby, and you're sorely missed. Now I'm off to do some dirty work, cuz I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down Sanchos throat, yo. In true Brad style, RIP old friend, cuz lovin' is what I got...I said remember that...
Monday, December 20, 2004
RIP Maurice Gibb
Whetha you're a motha or whetha you're a brotha you're stayin alive, stayin alive...but not in this case. Maurice, you're dead. WTF? How could you do this to me? I was young, living in southern california and I totally believed you guys were THE coolest motherfuckers to walk the earth. Your white pantsuits and gold chains/medallions made my young heart all aflutter and I'd have probably killed my kindergarten teacher for you if you'd have asked me to. I can't believe you did this to me. And because of an intestinal blockage that caused heart attack. Who knows, maybe they didn't have bran in Australia. Goddamn you Australia! RIP Maurice, I'll be singing your praises til the day I die.
Now I'm off to go listen to your songs while I shove snack cakes into my piehole and pout, oh wait, Viva La Bam is on...ok so maybe I'll just mourn you at commercial break. Still though, thats good for me yo.
Now I'm off to go listen to your songs while I shove snack cakes into my piehole and pout, oh wait, Viva La Bam is on...ok so maybe I'll just mourn you at commercial break. Still though, thats good for me yo.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
RIP Allen Ginsberg
once upon a time, my friend and I talked about someday tracking you down and asking you to be our best friend. Then we found out that you were dead. Its funny how you sometimes think someone is alive when they are really dead. And sometimes you think they are dead when they are really alive. For instance, once upon a time, when I first started listening to Tom Waits, I was under the impression that he was dead. But he was not. Yes, life is funny. RIP Allan Ginsberg... Your homo-erotic, drug induced memories left behind will forever touch us.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
RIP Johnny Cash
He fell into a burning ring of fire. He went down down down and the flames rose higher. And he burned burned burned....in the ring of fire...the ring of fire....
...so does that mean he's in hell? : ( poor johnny.
...so does that mean he's in hell? : ( poor johnny.
Friday, December 17, 2004
RIP Good Health
even with your personification, you were never able to amount to much.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
RIP Dr Seuss
Would you mourn him in a house? Would you mourn him with a mouse? I would mourn him here or there, I would mourn him anywhere. one fish two fish red fish blue fish, whose corpse stinks worst, Seuss corpse stinks first, Seuss passed under grass, Sassy Lasses weep the fastest, when froodle doodle's waddle through your funeral eating noodles, they call this a Froodle Doodle waddle noodle funeral, Sharks blog obits, Bloggers bite the bits of Obits and FREAKIN THIS IS TOO HARD. I give up. You're the King, Seuss. RIP.
thanks anigans again.
thanks anigans again.
RIP Celia Cruz
Congratulations on passing as a human all these years despite numerous photographs proving you to be an alien mutant. It seems that you died and then your dead body went on tour, it even changed outfits between viewings, and i heard a rumor that they used fishing line to make your corpse lipsync. You are officially the freakiest thing to come out of Cuba, and that's saying a lot considering you're up against Fidel Castro's beard. RIP Celia. That is, if they'd just bury your dead body.
thanks to mr anigans for the suggestion.
thanks to mr anigans for the suggestion.
RIP Charles Schultz
Okokokok, I have to be honest. I didn't read Peanuts. I mean, it's not that I didn't like it or anything, it's just that...well.....it wasn't funny. I'm sorry. I feel guilty for even saying that, because you are like a saint in the whole comic world, but um....yeah.
"Hey look Snoopy is sitting on his roof!"
"It was a dark and stormy night"
HAHAHHAHA!......
......Not happening.
BUT!!! I DID however, LOVE LOVE LOVE your cartoons! Hooray for animation! Screw the purists, man, nothing was better than watching Charlie really RUNNING towards that football and falling on his ass! Woo! Poor little round headed kid. The Christmas one is actually my favorite. I had it on a little 12 inch record that I played in my Disney record player. Wah-wah-wahwah-wah-wah....that's grown-up speak for RIP Charles Schultz.....the world misses you....
"Hey look Snoopy is sitting on his roof!"
"It was a dark and stormy night"
HAHAHHAHA!......
......Not happening.
BUT!!! I DID however, LOVE LOVE LOVE your cartoons! Hooray for animation! Screw the purists, man, nothing was better than watching Charlie really RUNNING towards that football and falling on his ass! Woo! Poor little round headed kid. The Christmas one is actually my favorite. I had it on a little 12 inch record that I played in my Disney record player. Wah-wah-wahwah-wah-wah....that's grown-up speak for RIP Charles Schultz.....the world misses you....
RIP Nick Drake
The first time I heard your beautiful guitar picking and beautiful voice, I was driving down the lone, dark highway coming home from the country late one summer night. I was all alone on the highway that was void of any light or life. A friend of mine had given me your album Pink Moon to listen to for the car ride home, convinced that I would fall in love. And I did. But you were dead. For many years before I was even born. Drugs, they said it was. You died too young and didn't have a chance to see your music go downhill from your best stuff. Your spirit still haunts us through the recent 2004 release of the recovered tracks recorded before your death. They are just as fabulous as the rest of your music. You will always remain glorified in my mind, with those piercing eyes and gentle voice. Your music made me cry that night, on the abandoned highway. All by myself, sitting in a dark car on a dark highway, crying simply because of the sheer beauty in your music. Rest in peace, Nick Drake. I love you.
RIP Jim Henson
Guess what. You changed my life. First of all, you had something called a "creature shop." Um, thats the coolest thing I've ever heard (today) and I would give my right elbow for a freakin creature shop!!!!! Second of all, you invented Sesame Street basically. Wtf, do you understand the monumental place in history that brings you? I think it would be safe to assume that without you and your Bert and Ernie and Big Bird and Grover and Kermit, I'd not be here. You showed me the fucking alphabet! And yes, I said fucking but only because you taught me those letters too! And I'll bet when those cameras weren't rollin' on 123 Sesame Street, Oscar cussed like a sailor, am I right? Am I right? Hell yeah! Oh yeah, you did a ton more like The Muppets, which I liked but didn't love, but omg, WTF was the Dark Crystal? That shit scared me so hard. Mike and I watched it in a sleezy motel in Barstow California and I was just as scared of those slow walking scary creatures and even the good people were scary as shit. Yeah, I loved you but I'm not so comfortable with those characters even though I am obsessed slightly with the story. THE SHARD!!! In conclusion, you did tons more but there's no way in hell I'll be able to list it. RIP Jim, won't you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
RIP Avril Lavigne's Grandpa
you died and then Avril wrote a song for you, which wasn't very good, but I suppose it's the thought that counts.
RIP Jope
a.k.a. Alli's stupid-almost-ex-husband. Too bad you have seizures and make nice with everyone, cuz you're really pretty much a dick. Yeah maybe you should like check Alli's phone records today, because I might have called her and talked trash about you. Oh and call my house sometime, asking where she is.....cuz she routinely flies up to Washington for a freakin afternoon...
in conclusion, you're not dead, but you're a dumbass.
in conclusion, you're not dead, but you're a dumbass.
RIP Selena
Okay see, I didn't actually like your music. Actually everytime you came on the radio, I would like freakin dive for the button to get your nasally voice outta my ears. and that "I could fall in love" song?? ANNOYING! Good lord you were soo overplayed! I mean it's sad and all that a deranged fan shot you, but hello, that doesn't mean i want to hear your music MORE! Oh and that movie made about you....the one VH1 plays like once a week....STILL.....yeah um...not a good movie.
But since we are RIP River don't like to beat down on the dead (too much) , I will name your greatest contribution to American society.....at least you gave J Lo's career a leg up. Wait...shoot....now i hate you more.
But since we are RIP River don't like to beat down on the dead (too much) , I will name your greatest contribution to American society.....at least you gave J Lo's career a leg up. Wait...shoot....now i hate you more.
RIP Deep Blue Something
you were never really living to begin with...
you wrote a song and everybody listened to it, but nobody knew it was your song.
To this day, people still listen to Breakfast At Tiffany's and guess it is some generic band such as Matchbox20 or Barenaked Ladies...
I don't know if you are actually dead because I never really had proof that you were alive. You are simply an illusion of melody to me.
you wrote a song and everybody listened to it, but nobody knew it was your song.
To this day, people still listen to Breakfast At Tiffany's and guess it is some generic band such as Matchbox20 or Barenaked Ladies...
I don't know if you are actually dead because I never really had proof that you were alive. You are simply an illusion of melody to me.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
RIP The Three Stooges
Actually there were 6 stooges. But the only ones that count are the original three! Moe, Larry, and Curly, you guys rocked! I miss your eye pokin, face slappin, fallin down, bubble blowing, hair mussin, paint throwin, head bonking, butt kickin, rollickin good times!!!!!!
i remember slapping my little brother across the face and then when my mom yelled at me, i'd widen my eyes and say "but..but...Moe did it to Larry and it didn't hurt at all! I didn't know, mom!"
oh good times, Stooges. You taught me that violence is funny, hurting people is good, and poking people in the eyes is not dangerous! RIP moe. RIP larry. RIP curly. ooooo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
i remember slapping my little brother across the face and then when my mom yelled at me, i'd widen my eyes and say "but..but...Moe did it to Larry and it didn't hurt at all! I didn't know, mom!"
oh good times, Stooges. You taught me that violence is funny, hurting people is good, and poking people in the eyes is not dangerous! RIP moe. RIP larry. RIP curly. ooooo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
RIP Ken Caminiti
I guess you were a baseball player or somethin. The only reason I know your name is because there was this radio commercial where people made up songs about you. They would go "Keennn Cam-a-net-eee something something la la" and so I knew there was a Ken Caminiti out there in the world, I just didn't know who you were and what you did. I never actually listened to the whole commercial to find out what you represented either. Maybe deodorant or viagra or something. Anyways RIP Ken Caminiti. Too bad you took steroids and died of a heart attack. Baseball will miss you. I think. You played baseball right?
RIP Janet Leigh
was it really vasculitis?? or did Ol' Norman finally catch up to you!!!
you claimed in interviews that after a week of shooting that shower scene, you were unable to set foot in a shower again. that would explain why you never really got anymore great roles. you were too stinky.
you claimed in interviews that after a week of shooting that shower scene, you were unable to set foot in a shower again. that would explain why you never really got anymore great roles. you were too stinky.
RIP Joey Ramone
Oh gosh, where do I start? Cancer took you from us and that sucks! You influenced punk music from the start. Hell, you were part of the very beginnings. All these little angsty shits who claim that Blink 182 is punk, they need a whoopin from the Joe-ster himself. If you were alive, I'd help you to show them what REAL punk is and maybe I'd even help you give them a Teenage Lobotomy and we could pull big faded black tshirts over their heads that said The Ramones on them, like the one I wore in jr. high while I'd sit and journal about boys and skateboards and I'd dream about possibly going to the Rock and Roll High School you sang about. Be well, my friend, you're in good hands up there. RIP Joey, you're totally missed in my crib yo...
Monday, December 13, 2004
RIP Lea de Mae
RIP Lea de Mae , porn star extraordinaire. At 25, you were much too young and beautiful to die(brain tumor). We'll all miss seeing you get fucked.
Guest Obituary by MIKEY
Guest Obituary by MIKEY
Sunday, December 12, 2004
WEEKLY FEATURED RIP
Once a week we'll feature one of the most recent deaths. This weeks tragic loss was the loss of Panteras own Dimebag Darrell. I don't listen to Pantera, nor do the other contributors to this blog, but we thought he deserved an RIP because 1) he had rad facial hair 2) the word Pantera is hella sweet and 3) because omg, his name is fucking DIMEBAG people. Don't get much cooler than that!
RIP DIMEBAG DARRELL, your facial hair was freakin sweet yo.
RIP DIMEBAG DARRELL, your facial hair was freakin sweet yo.
RIP humanity
modernity swept you up and flushed you down the toilet... (the electric, self-cleaning toilet).
RIP Chris Farley
Doooooooooode...I totally love you. You were the sexiest man alive when you danced as a Chippendales dancer on SNL, as Tommy Boy you made me wish I was your lover, and when you were an inspirational speaker living in a van down by the river, I would totally have had your babies. You freakin kicked jive turkey ass my friend. RIP in heaven Chris, cuz Luuuuke, Luuuuke...I am yo fathaaaaah.
RIP Phil Hartman
This one is honestly hard for me to write. I loved you. LOVED! I hope your psychotic wife who shot you is burning in hell. You made me laugh so hard, and as the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer on SNL, I thought you had just progressed to Godhood. Your voice will echo through the universe as one of the classic comedians of all times. I wish this had been more snarky and sassy, but I honestly miss you. RIP Phil, you rocked my socks.
RIP Jim Varney
You were loved by MILLIONS as Earnest in such classics as Earnest In The Army, Earnest Goes To School, Earnest Scared Stupid, Earnest Goes To Jail and as the voice of Slinky Dog in Toy Story and Toy Story 2. You were dashingly handsome, had the grace of a swan and by golly, if you didn't make me wanna name my first born son Vern. You'll be sorely missed. RIP Jim, take it to the house.....
Saturday, December 11, 2004
RIP Bob Ross
MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! WHY DID YOU DIE??? Dude...you were like...JESUS! You were calm, sweet, and like...trees and shit talked to you and were happy and sweet and everything was always good around you. Your afro made me feel all warm and fuzzy and I've been on a quest to find a man with that hair for my whole life. Do you understand what you did to me? I would watch you and like...you'd make this amazing scene and it would look so sweet then you'd take a knife and slash some black all over the whole canvas, and I'd shout out "NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" and then suddenly the black slashes were ancient redwood trees leaning toward the sea air. Man, you were some kinda magician, or a God. RIP Bobby, you goddamn talented motherfucker. The world will never be the same without your happy little bushes and clouds...
RIP Alistaire Cooke
Masterpiece Theater will never be the same. You were Masterpiece Theater, dude. I loved you. I have fond fond memories of curling up in front of the television to watch something in glorious black and white that was always introduced by your marvelous tidbits of information and analysis. you taught me so much man. i had no idea that Hepburn and Tracy were lovin it up adulterously all those years, or that cary grant was british! or that Rock "The Rock" Hudson was gayer than Doris Day's songs... and besides.....dude.....Alistaire Cookie!!! Cookie Monster!!! PBS! SESAME STREET!! MONSTERPIECE THEATER!! None of that would have been possible if not for you. Kudos man. RIP.
RIP Julia Child
First of all, let me express the great sorrow that I feel. After a very emotional discussion, I stepped forward and offered to do the Obit for you, Julia, as Kris and I were both sobbing uncontrollably. Fortunately, I was slightly drunk so I stopped crying first because I forgot what I was upset about. ANYHOO, you were so fabulous, you looked like my grandma and for some reason, I thought you were a transvestite! You also talked so weird and on those Saturday mornings when I had your show on, followed by Bob Ross's show, I thought I was in absolute heaven. RIP Julia, and pass me a damn heavenly eclaire while you're at it.
RIP Kristen's Brain
She just told me she didn't know that Luke and Owen WILSON were brothers. And then I made her promise me she hadn't been smoking crack. RIP Kristen's Brain, you'll be sorely missed.
RIP party
everyone went home at 11:30. i guess we're pretty boring. and actually i spent most of it hiding in my room cuz i didn't know anyone very well.
RIP Marlon Brando
Dude, you were so hot in your younger days. I'd totally have done you, but wow. How you aged so ungracefully. I heard you were picky, and stubborn and dude, you were the fucking GODFATHER, so I'm sure it didn't matter. As a matter of fact, I heard you wouldn't wear pants on the set of Score so they couldn't film you from the waist down. FUCK YA! I'd love to be able to walk into my job and proclaim "Hey, no pants on me...ever. Deal with it" RIP, Brando, you put fear into the heart of every Italian American man who lives on the East Coast, God bless'ya...
RIP Captain Kangaroo
You'll be kickin' it with Mr. Green Jeans and hangin' out with The Man Upstairs. Rock on, Captain.
courtesy of monger187
courtesy of monger187
RIP Yasser Arafat
Hey, you were like, someone I didn't know much about but I totally was interested in how like you were in a coma and they didn't know if you were alive or dead...so they let you sit there. If I were them I'd have said "hey Yassar, you dead?" and if you responded in any way, keep you alive, and if you didn't, I'd have pulled the plug. I also know that people cried and passed out at your funeral. RIP, Yassar, you had a cool name.
RIP Mike
No, not you ElectricBugaloo Mikey, but Mike, aka my bf. I was just trying to find out a few things about what you needed or wanted for christmas and you snapped at me about not liking to be asked "too many fucking questions". Sweet. You get coal, jerk. RIP Mike.
RIP Buddy Holly
you know, i don't really know of one Buddy Holly song. All i know is the Weezer song about you. Weezer is kind of a pussy band too. but boy is that song catchy! Wooo eeee ooo i look just like buddy hoolllyy whoa oh and you're mary tyler moore.......
RIP John Candy
You fucking rocked, my chubby teddy bear of a friend. I looooooved you and could have kissed your little face every time I saw you in Home Alone cuz you played a traveling polka musician, and I so dearly love polka music. My boyfriend apparently was not so impressed with you as he just said to me "John Candy is dead, right? or was that Louis Anderson? All I know is they both look Canadian" to which I just laughed til I cried because you two had TOTALLY different eye color! DUH! RIP, Uncle Buck.
RIP Layne Staley
Apparently you were the lead singer for Alice in Chains. Apparenly you died of a heroin overdose and rotted all over the new carpeting for like 2 weeks before anyone found you. That's gross, man. I can't think of a better way for a grunge man to go. Rot our brains, then rot our carpets. Hell yeah!!! e pluribus unum. that's all the latin i know.
RIP Christopher Reeves
Ok this one is hard. Pretty much everyone loved him, well except Kris (aka Shark like a fox) who thinks he's a lousy actor and ugly, so writing a comedic obituary for him is difficult to say the least. I guess I can safely say that you kissing Margot Kidder in Superman made me gag cuz she was like a dykey smoker chick who was mannish and not even good enough for the big S man. Then I can also say that maybe horses weren't such a good idea, I mean shit, you could fly, why the hell would you take such a primitive mode of transportation? Anyway, you were my hero in the end, and its too bad you're gone cuz you were like the hot version of Steven Hawkings...RIP Superman, the curl on your forehead made my 7 year old loins tingle like only the BeeGee's had before you.
RIP Ol' Dirty Bastard
You were known to many as Dirt McGirt, Big Baby Jesus and your real name Russell Jones, but to me, when I think of Wu-Tang, I think of Ol' Dirty Bastard. You made us smile, dance, sing, and you made being Old, Dirty and Bastardly so intensely cool. You live on through Method Man, RZA and Ghostface Killa to me. Shimmy shimmy ya homie, and RIP!!!!
RIP John Ritter
You were funny but nobody really "loved" you in your life as they did after your death. You were kind of the Mozart of sit-comedy. We all knew you were good, but when you died, you were suddenly one of our most beloved. Too bad you never had a fat 3-some with Janet and Crissy. Don Knotts was always so pesky though, no wonder you never did. RIP John, your son is totally hot.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
RIP Pop Music Of The Latin Persuasion
remember when every boy band just had to have a latin track on their album?
remember when latin music was actually latin?
remember when there used to be boy bands?
remember when latin music was actually latin?
remember when there used to be boy bands?
RIP Kurt Cobain
Your taste in women was not the best, but your angst surely came through in your music, driving all of us pseudo-grunge teens in the early 90's into a frenzy of flannel shirts and birkenstocks. Too bad you did yourself in, you could have divorced that nasty whore of a wife and dated Scarlette Johannson like your doppleganger Jared Leto is doing. RIP Kurt Cobain.
RIP Jaws
i cried when you got blown up and seagulls ate your floating parts, but i didn't want you to eat Richard Dreyfus because I had a crush on him, but I don't really anymore cuz he's way old, and now I have to go watch that movie, because it's in my Top Ten and just talking about it makes me crave some shark chompin action.
RIP Dave Thomas
When I was a teenager, I'd go sit inside the Wendy's by my friends house and we'd smoke cigarettes and dip fries in ranch for hours. I fell in love with your #1 combo, which is the Single with cheese combo, plus, you call your large sizes "Biggie" stuff. "Biggie" just makes everything sound cooler, just look at Biggie Smalls. (rip biggie smalls) I'm sorry you're gone Dave, but you live on through your fabulous $.99 menu of which I regularly partake...kind of like sacrament. PS, you totally still kick "Jack" from Jack In The Box's ass, even in death. RIP Dave, oh sweet guru of chopped meat delights.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
RIP that guy from Smashing Pumpkins
thanks for breaking up that band. i hate Billy Corgan's voice.
actually did he die? is that why they broke up? maybe i should research this more...
actually did he die? is that why they broke up? maybe i should research this more...
RIP Dimebag Darrel
Guitarist for Pantera. I didn't listen to Pantera but apparently my good friend Shin, or Mr. Anigans if you will, did and he misses you. I'm sure you were special, maybe I'll have Mr Anigans write an obit. for you. Rock on Dimebag, rock on...
RIP John Lennon
You were beautiful, but yeah, Yoko...not a very good choice. She totally wasn't hot when she was naked. Oh yeah, and I just read today that you said some aliens gave you a metal egg thing and you gave it to Yoko but she said it was weird. Still, I miss you...You are the walrus...
RIP Mr. Rogers
You brought many many years of shoe tossing, sweater zipping, trolley driving pleasure. I didn't even once notice that you were totally effeminate or that you made sexual inuendos constantly. Hell, I don't even think you noticed, that was the beauty. Truly truly RIP, Neighbor.
RIP Dr Atkins
Yeah, man...you died cuz your diet fucked up your heart. Shoulda tried the food pyramid, yo. Heck, I'm just bitter because I love me some carbs...
RIP Rob from Milli Vanilli
Dude, we all found out you faked it but what the hell, you didn't have to kill yourself. I'd have faked it too for that kinda cash...
RIP New Kids On The Block
....good thing I totally cried at your concert when I was 14 because I was totally in love with you and would have fucked any of you even though I was still a virgin then
RIP "hella"
Even though I like to say hella still, expecially when referring to my mad dancing skills...I dance so hella good, yo
RIP Katherine Hepburn
they say you were so OCD, you cleaned your face in alcohol. you should enjoy the embalming then, eh?
