RIP River. RIP everyone else that is dead.
In loving and irreverent memory of River Phoenix and the many others who have passed on before and after him.
Please feel free to comment with your own favorite memories of those departed.
RIP River. RIP everyone else that is dead
Please feel free to comment with your own favorite memories of those departed.
RIP River. RIP everyone else that is dead
Archival RIPs
12/05/2004 - 12/12/200412/12/2004 - 12/19/2004
12/19/2004 - 12/26/2004
12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
01/09/2005 - 01/16/2005
01/16/2005 - 01/23/2005
01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005
02/06/2005 - 02/13/2005
02/13/2005 - 02/20/2005
02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005
02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005
04/03/2005 - 04/10/2005
06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005
08/27/2006 - 09/03/2006
09/03/2006 - 09/10/2006
12/03/2006 - 12/10/2006
12/10/2006 - 12/17/2006
04/08/2007 - 04/15/2007
01/13/2008 - 01/20/2008
02/03/2008 - 02/10/2008
11/23/2008 - 11/30/2008
02/08/2009 - 02/15/2009
04/08/2012 - 04/15/2012
Saturday, December 11, 2004
RIP Bob Ross
MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! WHY DID YOU DIE??? Dude...you were like...JESUS! You were calm, sweet, and like...trees and shit talked to you and were happy and sweet and everything was always good around you. Your afro made me feel all warm and fuzzy and I've been on a quest to find a man with that hair for my whole life. Do you understand what you did to me? I would watch you and like...you'd make this amazing scene and it would look so sweet then you'd take a knife and slash some black all over the whole canvas, and I'd shout out "NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" and then suddenly the black slashes were ancient redwood trees leaning toward the sea air. Man, you were some kinda magician, or a God. RIP Bobby, you goddamn talented motherfucker. The world will never be the same without your happy little bushes and clouds...
RIP Alistaire Cooke
Masterpiece Theater will never be the same. You were Masterpiece Theater, dude. I loved you. I have fond fond memories of curling up in front of the television to watch something in glorious black and white that was always introduced by your marvelous tidbits of information and analysis. you taught me so much man. i had no idea that Hepburn and Tracy were lovin it up adulterously all those years, or that cary grant was british! or that Rock "The Rock" Hudson was gayer than Doris Day's songs... and besides.....dude.....Alistaire Cookie!!! Cookie Monster!!! PBS! SESAME STREET!! MONSTERPIECE THEATER!! None of that would have been possible if not for you. Kudos man. RIP.
RIP Julia Child
First of all, let me express the great sorrow that I feel. After a very emotional discussion, I stepped forward and offered to do the Obit for you, Julia, as Kris and I were both sobbing uncontrollably. Fortunately, I was slightly drunk so I stopped crying first because I forgot what I was upset about. ANYHOO, you were so fabulous, you looked like my grandma and for some reason, I thought you were a transvestite! You also talked so weird and on those Saturday mornings when I had your show on, followed by Bob Ross's show, I thought I was in absolute heaven. RIP Julia, and pass me a damn heavenly eclaire while you're at it.
RIP Kristen's Brain
She just told me she didn't know that Luke and Owen WILSON were brothers. And then I made her promise me she hadn't been smoking crack. RIP Kristen's Brain, you'll be sorely missed.
RIP party
everyone went home at 11:30. i guess we're pretty boring. and actually i spent most of it hiding in my room cuz i didn't know anyone very well.
RIP Marlon Brando
Dude, you were so hot in your younger days. I'd totally have done you, but wow. How you aged so ungracefully. I heard you were picky, and stubborn and dude, you were the fucking GODFATHER, so I'm sure it didn't matter. As a matter of fact, I heard you wouldn't wear pants on the set of Score so they couldn't film you from the waist down. FUCK YA! I'd love to be able to walk into my job and proclaim "Hey, no pants on me...ever. Deal with it" RIP, Brando, you put fear into the heart of every Italian American man who lives on the East Coast, God bless'ya...
RIP Captain Kangaroo
You'll be kickin' it with Mr. Green Jeans and hangin' out with The Man Upstairs. Rock on, Captain.
courtesy of monger187
courtesy of monger187
RIP Yasser Arafat
Hey, you were like, someone I didn't know much about but I totally was interested in how like you were in a coma and they didn't know if you were alive or dead...so they let you sit there. If I were them I'd have said "hey Yassar, you dead?" and if you responded in any way, keep you alive, and if you didn't, I'd have pulled the plug. I also know that people cried and passed out at your funeral. RIP, Yassar, you had a cool name.
RIP Mike
No, not you ElectricBugaloo Mikey, but Mike, aka my bf. I was just trying to find out a few things about what you needed or wanted for christmas and you snapped at me about not liking to be asked "too many fucking questions". Sweet. You get coal, jerk. RIP Mike.
RIP Buddy Holly
you know, i don't really know of one Buddy Holly song. All i know is the Weezer song about you. Weezer is kind of a pussy band too. but boy is that song catchy! Wooo eeee ooo i look just like buddy hoolllyy whoa oh and you're mary tyler moore.......
RIP John Candy
You fucking rocked, my chubby teddy bear of a friend. I looooooved you and could have kissed your little face every time I saw you in Home Alone cuz you played a traveling polka musician, and I so dearly love polka music. My boyfriend apparently was not so impressed with you as he just said to me "John Candy is dead, right? or was that Louis Anderson? All I know is they both look Canadian" to which I just laughed til I cried because you two had TOTALLY different eye color! DUH! RIP, Uncle Buck.
RIP Layne Staley
Apparently you were the lead singer for Alice in Chains. Apparenly you died of a heroin overdose and rotted all over the new carpeting for like 2 weeks before anyone found you. That's gross, man. I can't think of a better way for a grunge man to go. Rot our brains, then rot our carpets. Hell yeah!!! e pluribus unum. that's all the latin i know.
RIP Christopher Reeves
Ok this one is hard. Pretty much everyone loved him, well except Kris (aka Shark like a fox) who thinks he's a lousy actor and ugly, so writing a comedic obituary for him is difficult to say the least. I guess I can safely say that you kissing Margot Kidder in Superman made me gag cuz she was like a dykey smoker chick who was mannish and not even good enough for the big S man. Then I can also say that maybe horses weren't such a good idea, I mean shit, you could fly, why the hell would you take such a primitive mode of transportation? Anyway, you were my hero in the end, and its too bad you're gone cuz you were like the hot version of Steven Hawkings...RIP Superman, the curl on your forehead made my 7 year old loins tingle like only the BeeGee's had before you.
RIP Ol' Dirty Bastard
You were known to many as Dirt McGirt, Big Baby Jesus and your real name Russell Jones, but to me, when I think of Wu-Tang, I think of Ol' Dirty Bastard. You made us smile, dance, sing, and you made being Old, Dirty and Bastardly so intensely cool. You live on through Method Man, RZA and Ghostface Killa to me. Shimmy shimmy ya homie, and RIP!!!!
RIP John Ritter
You were funny but nobody really "loved" you in your life as they did after your death. You were kind of the Mozart of sit-comedy. We all knew you were good, but when you died, you were suddenly one of our most beloved. Too bad you never had a fat 3-some with Janet and Crissy. Don Knotts was always so pesky though, no wonder you never did. RIP John, your son is totally hot.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
RIP Pop Music Of The Latin Persuasion
remember when every boy band just had to have a latin track on their album?
remember when latin music was actually latin?
remember when there used to be boy bands?
remember when latin music was actually latin?
remember when there used to be boy bands?
RIP Kurt Cobain
Your taste in women was not the best, but your angst surely came through in your music, driving all of us pseudo-grunge teens in the early 90's into a frenzy of flannel shirts and birkenstocks. Too bad you did yourself in, you could have divorced that nasty whore of a wife and dated Scarlette Johannson like your doppleganger Jared Leto is doing. RIP Kurt Cobain.
RIP Jaws
i cried when you got blown up and seagulls ate your floating parts, but i didn't want you to eat Richard Dreyfus because I had a crush on him, but I don't really anymore cuz he's way old, and now I have to go watch that movie, because it's in my Top Ten and just talking about it makes me crave some shark chompin action.
RIP Dave Thomas
When I was a teenager, I'd go sit inside the Wendy's by my friends house and we'd smoke cigarettes and dip fries in ranch for hours. I fell in love with your #1 combo, which is the Single with cheese combo, plus, you call your large sizes "Biggie" stuff. "Biggie" just makes everything sound cooler, just look at Biggie Smalls. (rip biggie smalls) I'm sorry you're gone Dave, but you live on through your fabulous $.99 menu of which I regularly partake...kind of like sacrament. PS, you totally still kick "Jack" from Jack In The Box's ass, even in death. RIP Dave, oh sweet guru of chopped meat delights.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
RIP that guy from Smashing Pumpkins
thanks for breaking up that band. i hate Billy Corgan's voice.
actually did he die? is that why they broke up? maybe i should research this more...
actually did he die? is that why they broke up? maybe i should research this more...
RIP Dimebag Darrel
Guitarist for Pantera. I didn't listen to Pantera but apparently my good friend Shin, or Mr. Anigans if you will, did and he misses you. I'm sure you were special, maybe I'll have Mr Anigans write an obit. for you. Rock on Dimebag, rock on...
RIP John Lennon
You were beautiful, but yeah, Yoko...not a very good choice. She totally wasn't hot when she was naked. Oh yeah, and I just read today that you said some aliens gave you a metal egg thing and you gave it to Yoko but she said it was weird. Still, I miss you...You are the walrus...
RIP Mr. Rogers
You brought many many years of shoe tossing, sweater zipping, trolley driving pleasure. I didn't even once notice that you were totally effeminate or that you made sexual inuendos constantly. Hell, I don't even think you noticed, that was the beauty. Truly truly RIP, Neighbor.
RIP Dr Atkins
Yeah, man...you died cuz your diet fucked up your heart. Shoulda tried the food pyramid, yo. Heck, I'm just bitter because I love me some carbs...
RIP Rob from Milli Vanilli
Dude, we all found out you faked it but what the hell, you didn't have to kill yourself. I'd have faked it too for that kinda cash...
RIP New Kids On The Block
....good thing I totally cried at your concert when I was 14 because I was totally in love with you and would have fucked any of you even though I was still a virgin then
RIP "hella"
Even though I like to say hella still, expecially when referring to my mad dancing skills...I dance so hella good, yo
RIP Katherine Hepburn
they say you were so OCD, you cleaned your face in alcohol. you should enjoy the embalming then, eh?
